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God Particle Found: Mail marked urgent, from the Undersecretary to the Undersecretary, Department of General Office Department (GOD), to DG GOD (God Himself)

In Uncategorized on July 5, 2012 at 6:51 am

The DG GOD (God Himself) looking at the mail sent via hologram sighs in frustration. As usual, the sighing sets off a few force eight hurricanes somewhere in the Pacific ocean; HE however, remains blithely unawares, as he is more concerned with the discovery of the God particle.

Miffed at this audacity, he chucks a paperweight (just another planet like the earth) at the hologram. This is what happens when you let bureaucracy take control of Godly matters, he mutters darkly into the great wide open – which ranked only a distant second to the World Wide Web, when it comes to size (another phallic loss??).

The DG GOD had tried.

He had done everything in his power to stop earthlings from discovering the elusive God particle.

The three kilometer long collider had malfunctioned a few years ago. Investigators looking into the fiasco found a can of Budweiner. How appropriate, no? Not a Budweiser, but a can of Budweiner. You don’t even need Sherlock Holmes to interpret that. It was to be a signal. Mine is bigger than yours. I am God. Don’t you mess with me, earthling. Don’t mess with what you don’t understand. Don’t even try understanding rules of creation, you puny, miserable thing.

But something or somebody had intervened. DG GOD  wondered whether DEVIL (Department of E Vigilance) had a role to play.

Things were going from bad to worse. The earthlings had a name for it – the domino effect. But, He was supposed to be domino proof? He was the DG after all. Also, he was worried sick about his emissary on Earth, Dr. Stephen Hawking. Some say, Stephen Hawking played a big role demystifying the universe. He understood the universe. Hell!  He even wrote a book on the origin of the universe.

Bullshit! The DG fumed. It was He –  DG GOD – who told Hawking the truth about black holes and stuff and the universe. Dynamite stuff! Stuff that should have kept mankind busy for a billion years but alas something was lost in the translation.

Screw them all!

DG GOD worried about his place in an increasingly Godless world. The Higgs Boson guy was so Godless. What about the Hawking guy? As a subterfuge, he posed as an atheist, but God knew better  for  He had traded Hawking’s faith in return for knowledge . But, was it just possible,  Hawking played him a double hand?

He had made a bet with the DEVIL the God Particle would never be found but he had lost the bet. The law of probability says the chance of picking a ball from a bag containing n balls is 1/n. The DG looked into his bag, there were zillions upon zillions of balls, err planetary systems, unfortunately he was going to lose them all.

Was there a way out? He could certainly flush the offending planet (Earth) down the black hole but he would need  paperwork for that. He could not sign the demise of planet the way his predecessors could. It was a more democratic set up now. The laws of probability ruled.

The DG GOD calculated in that great mind of his. What if he changed the status of other planets to earth like?? Wouldn’t that tilt the laws of probability in his favor?? With more earth like planets the probability of picking and destroying planet Earth would definitely increase.

Damn! If he was going to let the Earth people go ahead with the god particle thing. He worked out the math. It worked like this: if you had four balls in your bag, two white and two red, the probability of picking a white ball is 1/2. Now that would definitely reduce the odds. The DG GOD was pleased with himself. He took great pride in his ability to get things done.

Soon, the initial sugar rush gave way to pragmatism.  The met department would never allow it.  DG Met wanted to be DG GOD badly. The DG Met had all the powers. The me office had usurped all the special powers. He couldn’t even unleash a bolt of lightning on people he didn’t like. One needed proper authorization for that kind of things nowdays. .

Morosely, he hefted a paperweight from one hand to another (another planetary system gone wrong) and pondered: What next? The impeachment motion was due. The ADG GOD wanted blood.

The DG GOD knew his time was up. He had failed in his line of duty. The super collider had revealed the deepest mystery of creation. The god particle was found. In coming times human beings would do the unthinkable and create a parallel universe. The DG GOD called the PS to PS to the Undersecretary, DG GOD (Himself) to prepare his resignation.

It was going to be a fiery, hellish end.

Surjo

In Uncategorized on June 5, 2012 at 6:49 am

Book 2 Chapter 1

Page1

Surjo, 31 and a struggling copy writer, could not take his eyes off the bombshell with the red toenails, sitting to his right, as the Shatabdi Express,  sped on its way to Luckow Junction via Muzzarabad Junction. To his left, thankfully, the seat was empty. He hated being spoken to on these long six hour journeys and pretended to sleep in an attempt to ward off potential questions about his marriage status, education level and job status as he fared rather poorly in all of them. It was not his fault because he had tried everything: science, commerce, arts – he had enrolled in every course possible without any degree of success .

With great difficulty, he willed himself to look the other way; thanks to his foot fetish he had a hard-on that made him fell uncomfortable in his size 36 Levis. The bombshell was also giving him the dirty looks which made looking out the window more appropriate. The scenery on the other side of the light green screen window was as monotonous as his life with the gentle humdrum broken only by sporadic interesting tidbits thrown here and there. One of the interesting bits was related to sex or the lack of healthy sex: “Gupt rog, Stri Rog key liye Vaid Hashmi se sampark karey (Contact Hashmi to get cured of sexually transmitted diseases)”.

“I wonder who does the writing for him” said Surjo muttering under his breath.

The lady on the right crisscrossed her legs for the millionth  time, drawing his attention to her deliciously painted toe nails once again. Surjo consoled himself that it was natural for all artistic people to have some kind of fetish. Darn! Even his hero, Quentin Tarantino liked a well painted set of toe nails.The gentle lolling of the train and the light breakfast made him sleepy and he fell into gentle reminiscing. Marriage was out of question as he had been recently fired from his job after yet another acrimonious showdown with his boss an elegant lady name KB.

 

 

 

Of a philosophical disposition

In Uncategorized on May 6, 2012 at 7:58 am

If life gives you a lemon you make lemonade. But what if you don’t like lemonade, what do you do then? For all you know, all that lemonade could bring you down with a bad case of cold. That would be like a double whammy if ever there was one. You get a lemon (what is wrong with a lemon anyway), and then you get a bad cold. Better, wouldn’t you say if you left the lemon alone and turned to philosophy?

But why am I discussing about a yellow, citrus fruit, early in the morning? It is a Sunday too. The kind of Sunday that you dream about on Tuesdays and Wednesdays: Mellow Sundays with newspapers in a roll, egg sunny side up and lemon juice, the T.V on full volume, and the smell of just washed clothes in the air. Coming back to the reason, it is because, lately, I have been blighted by a curious set of circumstances that has led me to question life and my role in it.

Some people would call “the curious set of circumstances” fate, but not me. I will be damned, if I am going to let a highly strung, seriously disturbed and paranoid women, called fate ,decide, over my life. No I am not being a sexist. I would rather call it a game of chances. See, you will eventually lose some. You will lose your health, your youth, your job and everything there is to lose. The trick is in gaining something all the time. This way there will be a balance. If you sit on your losses for too long the losing streak will get an extended run. If you keep on trying the laws of probability will turn in your favour eventually. And you will have less to moan about.

That is why I root for philosophers. Everything for them is eventual ( I read that in a Stephen King novel, he is also a good philosopher it seems).They look at the stars, birds, flowers and come up with some deep shit which does not make any sense to you and me. Let’s take up this fellow called Borges. Argentine writer, philosopher and solver of mysteries, he writes with fecundity and insight.

Sample this: Borges wrote that the mysteries of the universes would unravel if we truly understood the rose. I didn’t understand it one bit. And the beauty of the thought is that Borges never explained why only a rose. The reader is left with his own devices. This is the beauty of philosophy. You learn it the hard way, through experience.

So I thought. I thought hard and I finally understood. The rose starts as a bud, flowers, sets into full bloom and then withers away: hope, beauty and finally a thought – the quintessence of human existence.

Shit. This is life.

Blah, Blah, Blah

Yawn

 

 

 

Of ghosts, ghouls and a lucky talisman

In Uncategorized on April 23, 2012 at 4:22 pm

 

 

I am, what you would call, a perfectly rational fellow. I don’t fight with my boss unless I have to. I believe that smoking kills. I keep drink at an arm’s length, and I don’t believe in love or in God. But, I am not sure about ghosts or ghouls. Not sure since that summer night, many years ago, when I saw those green luminous eyes stare out at me from the window ledge. Luckily, the midnight train rolled in right then and let out a piercing wail. Have you ever heard a train wail in the night? It is the loneliest thing ever.

Those malevolent, lumnious green eyes, how can I forget them. Twenty years have passed since, but those eyes still haunt. If God was there, he was very powerless to act. Somethings aint right in this world and there is no power in heaven or earth which can stop a presence, out for mischief. Or maybe, it’s God’s way to have a little bit of fun on the side.

Have I told anyone about that little incident twenty years ago. No, I haven’.t   No one would believe me. Somethings are better left burried. Was it a ghost? Or, was it a ghoul? I don’t know. I like to believe that ghost and ghouls are harmless. But, something tells me that the owner of those green, lumnious eyes was anything but harmless. Lucky my talisman came out calling for me. I was doomed otherwise.

Doomed. In hell. I read somewhere that hell is like the feelling that you have been there and seen it. The word is on the tip of my tongue, only I can’t recall it. A french word. A word that describes hell. Hell where all sinners go, so I am told. Hell, which sends messengers, like the owner of those green eyes, from time to time. Lucky that I had a talisman to fall back on. Lucky that my talisman was close whenever the messenger came calling.

Opposites gets balanced I am told. For the yin there is yang, an uncle once told me that plug and a socket is like a man and a woman. Yin and yang. plus and minus- everything gets balanced in this world. So every time the messenger came knocking my lucky talisman was near, just to make sure that the equilibrium was not upset. But a day will come when the equilibrium would be upset..I am waiting.

Is it near? The day you get called in, the day your records are checked, the day balance sheets are finally reconciled. I am afraid about the equilibrium. I sense that powers on the other side is growing stronger. I see the building growing bigger and bigger. I am told it is built on a graveyard. The building overshadows the railway station. All my life I have lived in close proximity of a railway stations. Every night the train lets out a piercing shriek, reassuring me. But for how long. The building grows bigger and bigger, its powers growing stronger. Soon it will completely shut out the reassruing cry of the midnight express.

i will be waiting for that day.

Note: Hell I don’t believe in ghosts and ghouls but I am briefly under the spell of Stephen King. The building does look forbidding though, I intend to capture it in my camera. I heard somewhere that by taking a photo you capture the soul of the subject.

i

 

 

Some Black and White Photos shot in Kanyakumari

In Uncategorized on April 22, 2012 at 7:09 am

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Colour photography does not hold me in thrall like the way a black and white photograph does. Maybe, it is all in the mind. In a world dominated by polychrome a black and white (monochrome) will stand out. Any photo, and here I stress on the “any” will definitely come out better when it is taken in the black and white format.

However, this discovery was merely accidental.

While travelling in Kerala, god’s own country, I changed the shooting mode of my camera to black and white. The results were some nice silhouettes of the temple with the sky lit up in the pre-dawn glow, imparting a post card like quality to the images.

The temple, which is a little distance off the beach, looks imposing and formidable at the same time. No wonder people flock to the beach side early in the morning. The locals say it is the best time to be here.

The photo with a man holding a child as the sea crashes against the rocks is another favourite. Seeing them climb the little rocks, I had an urge to know about them more. So, I climbed the rocks after them and got chatting.

After a few introductions I got the information I was looking for.The two, belonged to a religious order in Andhra Pradesh were on a “teerth yatra” or travel of a religious nature. Rameshwaram was a culmination of that journey.

The bonding between the “guru” and the “child” is something special and the photo captures some of it. What the photo does not show, is the child looking at me in sullenly as I talk to the older man. He wanted me out of the way so that he could enjoy the moment with his master. Such is the bond between the sage and the discipline.

Lights Out Please

In Uncategorized on April 16, 2012 at 1:52 pm

When was the last time you looked at the sky and marveled at the gently shimmering star lit quality of the night sky?   Maybe, you noticed when you were a kid. But now you are too hypnotized by the bright lights coming out of your big LED T.V, laptop or the smartphone to see or register anything. Seduced is the proper word. Seduced and hypnotized. Hypnotized and seduced. Squiggles and add the tiny dots.

The only time this hypnosis wears off is during a power cut. Atrophied senses grapple at first to come to terms in a world without light. Slowly, you are able to sense long forgotten sounds and sights: a cat mewing registers which you would have missed earlier. Your eyes start discovering new things. The pupils contract to register information.

I see the spider webs on the ceiling. I spot a spider tightening its web. I see stars in the night sky. I see the placid white moon in cloudless sky. I remember some lines of a poem.I learn something new. Only when you have distilled your life to the bare necessities do you really start to hear and see.

What else? I strike a match. I light a candle. The flame wavers a little. I see a moth kamikaze into the flame and burn with a fizz sound.  I touch the melted wax with my fingertips. I feel the heat slowly make its way through your flesh. Dab some of the melted wax on the floor.. Peel it off the floor like paper when cold. Turn on the radio. Tune into something soulful. Stretch out on the floor. Close your eyes. Relax.

I did all of that. Honest I did. The wax has yet to come off the floor. The mosquito bite still stings. But it felt great to be cut off from my LED T.V, laptop, smartphone…  I saw the sky. I saw the stars. I saw the moth kamikaze into the flame, splutter and die. I did some shadow puppetry in the candlelight. I made a deer dance on the wall. I made two deer dance on the wall. I wrote some poetry in the candlelight. I remembered some lines of a poem. So, Will I do it again? Do I wish myself many more electricity less nights? No way! I am too connected to World Wide Web, to my T.V., to my mobile, to my iPod to dream of a life sans electricity. And I got to check my Facebook updates too. How would I do that in a world without electricity?